I write these posts and put them out to nowhere

To no-one

Hidden in the dark crevices of the internet, 

Away from the bright lights of people who “know me”

So that nobody can stumble upon them

Without some form of Herculean miracle. 

I do this “knowing that the Universe will bring people to my content if they’re supposed to find it”

   Like that’s a real thing. 

      Lol.

Being willing to find and admit emotions are in here is great

Being willing to write them down, even better. 

But what about standing (even if unsteadily) behind the feelings that feel scary to express? 

What about being willing to vulnerably and repeatedly share your heart with people, 

   Knowing that most will have no interest? 

   Knowing that most will look, perhaps laugh, then move on with their day, 

   With a new conception of me in their mind

   That I might not enjoy?

Maybe in order to find adoring eyeballs, 

   People who love what I have to say, 

I have to first feel the pain…

   Of venturing into disapproval

   And a heart that is offered vulnerably, 

   But not reciprocated

   By any but the conciliatory chirping of crickets.

For only in consistently offering 

My heart 

   In a way that has no guarantee of reciprocation

Can I know 

   That what I’m saying

      Is truly from my heart.